Currently the seas in my life are really calm. Eerily calm in a way that actually having me questioning it (ridiculous, I know). Everyone in my family is healthy, happy and loving life. My husband has never been happier in his career after a long bought with unemployment, my father, having battled cancer, is rejoicing in the gift of each day and traveling the world with my mother. Things are easy.
Dare I even say that?! Dare I even admit that that scares me a little?! And IN the calm, somehow anxiety creeps in and my tendency is to WORRY that life is too calm?!
Yup. That is definitely a fault of mine; worrying. Creating a problem EVEN WHEN THERE IS NOT A PROBLEM! Such a ridiculous waste because as we have all heard over and over again, this life WILL NOT ALWAYS BE EASY and STORMS WILL COME! Anyone else have a knee-jerk reaction to panic when they let that knowledge sink in?! If you do, you are not alone, my friend, for I am right there with you.
Maybe if we worry about those coming trials and allow our mind to cover every possible thing that can possibly go wrong it somehow will have the affect of keeping those things from happening! But then we are not living. In the now, in the present, in the joy of the moment. Man, that is just downright HARD to do sometimes though, isn't it?
I am one who has to work really hard on living in the moment. And I mean REALLY hard. Like meditating on the moment, praying about it constantly, forcing myself to STAY IN THE PRESENT hard. I have gone to therapy, read books, practiced yoga and taken seminars. Feels like a serious uphill run that I have to talk myself into and through just about EVERY MOMENT! And it just gets exhausting.
The only time that I freely allow myself to escape the moment is when I need the reminders of how God has gotten me THROUGH trials and how He showed me, firsthand, that He CALMS STORMS! He brings peace and joy, despite pain and suffering. I have seen it, lived it, and FELT IT! I need those reminders, whether in looking at my past or in reading scripture of how God provided to many in the past, to have peace in the now and confidence in the future.
If you know me or have read my blog in the past, you may know my nephew, Carter. Carter lived a very short life, one that those in passing might even deem insignificant. He was 20 months old when Jesus called him Home and only 6 days old when he got sick and was left brain damaged. In no way was his short while on this Earth ever even ordinary, predictable, or even to many, calm.
His abrupt illness hit much like storms hit the small Lake of Galilee in Jordan. Being so small and vulnerable, as the Lake is to strong winds that blow, Carter's little body was not ready for the swift hit of a virus. Our initial reaction to this little baby falling ill was to fear and question WHERE WAS GOD?! Just like the disciples when they shouted, "Lord, save us! We are going to drown!" we shouted to him. Just like the disciples, it felt very much like the waters of that harsh and unexpected storm were taking us all under and we were going to drown! And just like the disciples, we had no idea the power of His presence and authority.
I will forever take my anxiety ridden mind back to that moment in a little PICU in Kansas City where my God CALMED THE STORM. Just like when Jesus spoke to the wind and waves on the Lake of Galilee so many years ago and created an absolute calming of the sea, He did that for us in the raging storm of Carter's illness.
As we cried out to Him, a peace that surpasses ALL understanding was bestowed upon us all and a renewed strength and calm was found. Ahhh, even now as I write, that is the reminder, God's gift to me that HE WAS, IS AND WILL BE THERE.
This picture is one that I treasure so dearly because it captures that peace that was present on those days spent with that precious little baby in the PICU. Oh how my heart weeps as I see the beauty in His presence, all in and through my sweet nephew, God's gift to so many. That very significant life created by God.
"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink: or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Matthew 8:25-27
This is so beautiful! A reminder that God has authority over ALL!...the calm and the storms...We have to continually trust in Him through it all. And I love this picture of you and sweet baby Carter. He will never be forgotten.
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