Seeds of Faith
A few years back in
my summer vegetable garden I started to grow a mysterious vine. Out of
sheer curiosity as to what it would become, I watered it and allowed it room to
thrive. Soon I saw it start to flower, blossom and produce. By the end of
the summer I had the most delicious, juicy cantaloupe, grown from a seed I
didn’t realize I had planted. I so easily could have plucked up that seedling as
if an unwanted weed, but instead I was nudged to let it grow. What wonder and joy letting it
grow brought!
In many ways, my
faith has been just like that seed.
Being raised in a
Christian home started me off with a great foundation for my faith. It planted
seeds that, like that mysterious vine in my garden, I would later work to
germinate and grow into a faith of my own, a faith that I am still cultivating
and discovering with each passing day.
As a child there
were times when I did not question the God that my parents taught, for He was
as real in my life as the home that I lived in and the family that raised me.
I trusted with the heart of a child.
As I began to spread
my independent wings, craving to break free from the defining cover of my
parents, I experimented with all kinds of ME, striving to find just who "ME"
really was.
It was during this
heightened period of growing pains and desire for independence that I distanced
myself from the faith that my parents "forced" upon me. I put
God on a very distant shelf and moved on with defining ME, with only ME in
control (at least in my mind).
But just like that
mysterious vine in my garden the spiritual seeds of my faith were determined,
and had burrowed deeply. Despite my efforts to ignore their existence,
slowly, ever so slowly, as my attempts to live a life dependent on ME and ME
alone failed, they began to sprout up. Early in my adulthood I would
glance over and see those weak little seedlings, and cling to them with
desperate hope that they would bring comfort to my soul, save me from whatever
ailed me at the time. And like that mysterious vine in my garden, I was
nudged to let them grow, even while I was unsure as to what those seedlings even really were.
Memory verses from
my childhood would pop up into my head and "Jesus Loves Me" would
echo throughout my mind as I tried to imagine just how that could even BE
anything more than just a comforting phrase.
With each passing
year, and a little bit of cultivation here and there as I searched for a
greater depth in my life, those seedlings continued to grow. As I sought
out a church in which to worship as an adult, visiting every denomination under
the sun, I sat through countless sermons and Sunday school classes. I brought
children into this world, and discovered a desire to plant seeds in them as had
been done with me. I realized again that those seedlings of faith continued to
blossom and spread.
The vines became
thirsty for more watering, fertilizer, sunshine. I had no idea that my
God, who created me, loved me enough to place this thirst IN me. I began
to seek out books on Christianity and actually paid attention in church (I grew
up only half listening because I thought it was what I was supposed to do!). I gathered with other
thirsty women who sought an understanding of their faith and this life to delve
into spiritual topics, books and studies. Together we debated, shared,
cried and prayed as our hearts GREW in the understanding that there is a God who LOVES us. As I read my children Bible
stories of Jesus's love I heard those words myself in a way that I never had
before.
He loved not only
the little children, but ME, too!
The storms of life
that threatened the core of who I was and who I thought I was drove me into these arms I
did not know were so unconditionally present for ME, waiting for me to run
into, for comfort,
forgiveness, grace and mercy, in a way I had never experienced in the
world. My vines now were rapidly spreading, seeking the light and
watering that came from the true Source. A Source that had been present all
along, waiting so patiently for me to come Home. Lovingly providing and
protecting me as I stubbornly tried to cultivate a life with no seeds, no rich
soil, no water from my Creator.
Yet there He was, the
whole time. My God. My love. The Great I Am.
Today I am living a
life so juicy, so sweet, like that cantaloupe grown from a seed I did not know
even existed in my garden. I thirst for Him, to know my God, my Creator,
my all. I am stilled in a way I did not know was ever possible as I hear
Him in His Word, see Him in this world, feel Him in my life.
More days than not I
have to make a concerted effort to seek God's cultivation, to water my soul
with His Word, to look for His Light in my life, for that drive to be
independent ME is still there. I am human, in all my brokenness and sin.
Yet like that
determined cantaloupe, the seeds of my faith have taken root so deep within the
core of my being that I KNOW where to find my light and where to satisfy my
thirst. Even on the days when I don't, my Savior is waiting, with open
arms, calling me Home, knowing just how beautiful I am to grow under his tender
loving care.
