I am COMING OUT....

I am Coming OUT….

Last week was National Coming-Out Day.  It hit me that "coming out of the closet" is really a term used for people finally able to shed their facade and be HONEST with others about who they really are.  I want to be very clear, before I continue with my thoughts, that I am NOT coming out in the traditional sense...I am still very happily married to my husband of 15 years. Mine is a more of a spiritual 'coming out'.

I also do not want to downplay or even begin to assume that I understand the magnitude of hiding your sexuality from others and the difficulty and strength it takes to 'come out of the closet' in the traditional sense.  I have the utmost admiration for those that DO take that step and am so proud of you! This blog entry is one inspired by those that have taken a very public and brave step to reveal themselves.  YOU all inspire ME.

As humans we have a natural reaction to defend our true identity in fear that exposing it will make us more vulnerable.  And in many ways, exposing ourselves DOES make us more vulnerable.  Some people will judge, some will throw stones, some will act out their hate.  All in reaction to their own insecurities that keep them from revealing their true identities to the world.  Fear overcomes us.

Today I am coming out.  With trembling hands and a racing heart, with fear of judgement and ridicule, I am stepping out in faith that by revealing to others who I am I will have MORE of a profound affect on lives than if I hide and stay in my comfort zone.

So here it goes, my revelation of all that I am and much of which I hide in fear of being vulnerable and judged.  But no more, for my true self-worth is not in this world but in He who created me.  For greatness.

I love my life.  I really LOVE my life!  Somewhere in the shift between childhood into adulthood I adapted this notion that you must downplay what you are doing, your love for what you do, and constantly be striving for more.  I mistakenly thought that complaining about where I was or what I was doing would protect me, just in case someone disagreed with what I was doing or what I loved.  Total insecurity played out on my part.  I continued to think if I DID more.  And more.  And MORE that my actions would justify my choices to be a homemaker, to not utilize my masters degree in the professional world, to really actually LOVE caring for my family.  So I am laying it all out there and setting myself and others straight.  I LOVE my life.  I LOVE being a homemaker. I love that God has provided me with the opportunity to grow as a mother, a wife, a friend, a daughter, a sister, a chef, an artist, a gardener, a seamstress, an athlete, a writer, a child of God, and so much more.  I am ten years into this role as a homemaker and mother and each day brings me new opportunities, shows me new possibilities that I never even new existed, and opens up new doors.  I am finally, finally at a place where I am taking a stand to stop striving to DO more and am striving to LIVE more in each day.  I am ready to stop getting my affirmation from other people so that I can feel, temporarily, "good enough" because living that way has left me never feeling "good enough". 

In Matthew 3:17 God spoke directly to Jesus after he had been baptized and said, "This is My Beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased."   Knowing that I AM GOD'S BELOVED is ENOUGH.  I am whole only when I do for God's eyes alone and stop trying to live for the affirmation of others, compromising who I really am.  Living life in the closet.

So here I am, a whole woman, vowing that today I am coming out.  No more apologies for who I am, no more striving to be who I am not.  I am laying it all out; in my imperfectness, my brokeness, my fears, I am made whole by the one who created me.  For greatness.

**And for those of you who are blog readers, stay tuned because I am also vowing that I will no longer be holding back in sharing my writing!  I LOVE writing and I will push through my fears of sharing it and let it all COME OUT!